The Time Machine

“A time machine spawns in front of you. You have the option of going forwards or backwards in time. If you choose to use the machine then you cannot return. Alternatively you can ignore the machine and go about your day. What do you choose?”

I think I’d want to go back in time. I’d want to meet my mom in her college days and become her friend. I’d introduce myself and compliment her smile because it’s pretty and she should never have a reason to hide it. I’d encourage her to take the classes she wanted and not just the ones she thought she could handle. She’s capable. I would invite her to the beach so she would stop avoiding the water. So that she had one less thing to fear growing up. Swimming, not the beach, obviously. I’d take her to a party so that she’d stop being so uptight about them. To let her know that she was welcome and that there were good people around for her to meet. I’d wait the long hours at urgent care to encourage her to follow her gut when she felt something was up. To build trust with her own body. I’d peer review her essays to highlight how strong of an English writer she was when she doubted applying for her masters. I’d let her draw me when she finally had free time to spur the flames of her artistic ability. It should never go dormant. I’d walk the endless paths of the beautiful forests of her hometown to show her the beauty of the world around her so that before she graduates she understands that she has more than she’s ever thought. That she has more to offer the world than my father could ever offer her when acceptances came around. That life doesn’t end at 22 — it’s merely the beginning. That, that man is not the answer to your current problems. That leaving your home won’t leave behind your internal issues either. I’d sacrifice myself in this timeline if it meant she’d make a different choice.

But to answer the question, I’d ignore the time machine. No amount of what-ifs compare to the smile on your face when your children visit. I won’t take away the family you’ve worked so hard to build and cherish. I’d be no better than him by stripping away your biggest accomplishments that are the children you raised. I’d be selfish to force you into making a decision that could change your life for the unknown. I’d be naive to think this wasn’t the future you’d dreamed of anyways. I never knew all of your fantasies and I don’t know what would complete you today. But every time I land and I’m greeted with your warm smile and even warmer hug I’m grateful for every decision that you’ve ever made.

This time machine doesn’t exist so we live with the decisions we’ve made and the reality around us. But every second forward is our own time machine into the future. And there are infinite chances to change the future.